Monday, 14 December 2015
Mommy Musing - The Never Ending To Do List
Never is the time crunch on mommy demands worse than at this time of year. Extra work in decorating and maintaining the house for visitors, parties, shopping, and just things like medical visits are eating in to the time that I didn't even know I had. The "ought to" and the "got to" lists in my house are growing by the minute... The every day domestic stuff never goes away, and even if I was anywhere close to caught up on laundry and vacuuming, I have just over a week before the Holidays ramp up in to full swing. We have officially reached the point of no slowing down until January, and it can all be a little overwhelming.
Beyond the irritation of mall shopping, and plainly wanting to do chores after work, I'm really scared that my Angry Mom is showing up too often lately. Most of the joy that comes from the Holidays is doing activities with my son, and eagerly awaiting the moment when he can open up his gifts! I love watching his face while he marvels at an elaborate mall tree, or the shock and wonder of walking through what little snow we've had. It's amazing, sweet, and exactly the way I want to be spending my time - not stirring a pot for dinner, or matching socks.
I thrive under a routine, but when something constantly knocks down my plans, like the unexpected activities associated with the holidays, I get really easily frustrated. Not frustrated that my schedule is off, but more concerned that some things are going to just fall off my plate. They do, and that's unavoidable. The lack of control can make me feel like a failure as a wife, and certainly as a mother. My son is too young to understand that Mommy has a lot to do, and to know that we missed a craft time or a play date, but he's not too young to know that I'm stressed and distracted.
I can prioritize, delegate, dig in and accomplish whatever I can, but it's just not going to all get done. It can't, and I'm learning to be okay with that. With travelling to another province, I'm giving up my tree this year. A small sacrifice that I don't mind too much. I'm not going to attempt to do 4 fancy cookies, or to handwrite cards to everyone I know, although I love both those things. We're not going to go on dozens of winter walks to see Christmas lights, make snow angels, and go tobogganing in the park. My life is not picture perfect all the time, and that's normal.
What I am going to do is surround myself with family, spend extra time in my pajamas, and try to relax. When I look back on my life, I don't think I'll ever wish I spend more time scrubbing floors or tying perfect ribbon. In my heart, I'm not the sick and tired mom, ever tethered to her phone. I want to spend more time on the floor, learning about diggers, painting, and making dinosaur noises. So that's my gift to myself this year - permission to be a messy, lazy, happy and engaged mom. I think it's my favourite gift ever.