Mommy Mental Health: Making a Weekly Meal Plan

When it comes to keeping on top of my weekly to do list. I’m no better than anyone else. Busy weeks at work, family functions, and everyday exhaustion can really wipe out any good intentions I had towards emptying the laundry basket. What I know to be true about myself, however, is that I fare way better when I have a plan than when I just wing it. I’ve spoke about that before here. Having just a basic outline about some of the important things to do really helps me to prioritize and conquer at least part of my list by keeping it front and center. I thought it might help some of you busy mamas to see my new plan of attack for dinner, and offer suggestions on ways to add just a little extra organization in to yours. 

The three things that clog up a to do list are; where do we have to go, what do we have to, and what’s for dinner. I like to start my plan there. Sunday night or Monday morning, I make a rough outline of what to eat each night. I’m not a batch cooker, or a culinary expert, so the meals are not fancy. I just aim to make balanced meals on a balanced budget. Start your meal plan before (making a list of needed ingredients) or after a grocery shop (taking in to account what you’ve bought.) A sample week might look like this:

Monday – Pork, mashed potatoes, and corn
Tuesday – Stew
Wednesday- Salmon and salad
Thursday – Breakfast meal of choice (omelets, French toast, sausages and home fries, whatever you like!)
Friday – Stir-fry with rice
Saturday – Family meal or Take out
Sunday – Tuna noodle casserole

It’s mapped out, it’s flexible, but it’s there. I don’t have to start thinking about it at 3pm. It’s based on ingredients in the house (that’s important). It’s also real, easy, weeknight stuff. Food that can be pulled off with limited time for those days when you’re exhausted. Knowing the kind of activities that get piled on certain days, plan your easiest meals on the worst schedule-wise. If you have a lighter day of the week, plan a special meal, or take on a bigger chunk of the housework to ease up the weekend. 

If you have trouble keeping a good meal variety, why not create some meal flashcards? Spend some time listing meals that you enjoy as a family with varying degrees of difficulty. Think up a few pastas, a few casseroles, a soup, a stew, a chili, some ways of cooking protein that can be paired with a seasonal vegetable, etc. Once you have approximately 20-30 that you’re comfortable preparing, write them each down on a recipe card, or strip of paper. Grab 5 and plot them in to the week in an order that makes sense, and if you go through them all before recycling any in to your list, you’ll have plenty of variety to get you started.  Every time you come up with a new amazing meal idea from a dinner at Mom’s or Pinterest, create a new card and add it to your pile!

If you experience a family emergency or other time consuming roadblock, and you will, don’t beat yourself up. We all have weeks where we don’t eat the healthiest, don’t cook the finest, or hardly have time to eat at all. Kids love simplicity. If you can scramble an egg, make a PB & J, or bake up some chicken nuggets, not only will they not suffer, but they will thank you for it!

Mommy Mental Health: Keeping Your Mind Sharp (Part 1)

In our family of three girls, two of us are currently enjoying the challenges and joys of parenting daily, and the third sister is currently earning her Bachelor’s degree in Human Resources Management. As much as a relief as it is when you’ve finished a rough semester of tight time lines and rough exams, the lifestyle of a student is a wonderful experience. Manage your own schedule, plan your own time, and of course, you have the flexibly to socialize whenever you want!

Sounds like maternity leave... except, if you’re a stay at home mom, or have light part time duties, guilt and exhaustion usually prevent you from doing much for yourself. You might experience some of that freedom, without the constant presence of friends, or the stimulation that classes and readings offer. That very first stage of motherhood can be as boring as it is tiring, and long nap times are more likely filled with housework or Netflix.

Why not combine some of that independence with some low commitment learning? It will give your brain some exercise, and might just offer an interesting topic to talk about over dinner or baby groups. We are going to look at two different approaches to banishing the baby brain without emptying your pocket book in the process. Today's options are FREE!

Mini Documentaries and Independent Films – If you’re pinned to the couch anyways, whether you’re breastfeeding or just too tired to move, why not watch something a little more exciting than reruns of the Simpsons or the talk show of the day? You can search for some ahead of time to add to a favourites list or set your PVR, so you just have to hit play. Try looking up lists of Oscar nominees from those little known categories, or asking your friends for some suggestions. Start with a few tv shows with some synapse tickling material. Here are a few shows I enjoy:

·         Through the Wormhole – Discovery Science (Science and Philosophy)

·         Inside Man – CNN (Politics and Social Science)

·         Brain Games – National Geography (Science, Sociology, Psychology)

Websites (ie. Lumosity) and MOOCs – If you happened to be sitting in front of a computer and you’re looking for a little more brain training; why not consider a training program. It can be as easy as a few minutes of game-based play on a site that tests for memory and logic, or as involving as a Massive Open Online Course. Never heard of a MOOC? You're not alone. Luckily we have a clever resident librarian to tip us off!  Google describes MOOCs as "

1. a course of study made available over the Internet without charge to a very large number of people.

   "anyone who decides to take a MOOC simply logs on to the website and signs up"
2. 
   

A quick search of the available material and I found courses in economics, Spanish, nursing, and a lot more. Delve in to some material that has interested you for a while without the tuition fee to go with it! 

Library and Community Center Classes - If part of the reason you're feeling slow and unchallenged is spending too much time in the house, why not see what resources are in the public spaces near you. There are things you can do with or without your little one in tow. Just having conversation with new people can lighten your mood and help you find an interesting hobby. Join a book club, learn to knit, learn to dance, or improve your computer skills. Since you're out anyways, pick up a book to bring home with you. It might (and by might, I mean definitely will) take you a little longer to read with a kid or two around the house, but giving yourself 15 minutes to read, even light subject matter will utilize a different aspect of your brain. Personally, I love an Agatha Christie mystery. They are well written, witty, and relatively short, so it won't take up too much room in your diaper bag or purse!

How do you shake off the mommy fog on a budget? Tell us about it on Facebook!

Mommy Mental Health: Your Child in the Hospital

Any parent would prefer to be just about anywhere else with their child than the hospital. As grateful as we are that they exist (and are largely free for Canadians), the feelings of fear, impatience, and discomfort are magnified 100 times over when the patient is your baby (which they automatically revert to, even if they are 12, when you feel they’re in pain.) Whether an emergency has arisen, or it’s something routine, no trip to the hospital is small, and it can be very taxing emotionally. I recently had the misfortune of taking my son to the Children’s hospital, as well as watching a huge number of kids in the emergency ward while I was there having hurt my knee. It was a stressful couple of weeks, let me tell you, but I learned a few things. I hope that by offering you a few coping mechanisms, you might survive the experience a little more comfortably than I did. 

For Emergencies 

If you have to go to the emergency room, you pretty much have to leave immediately. That already sets you behind the 8-ball in terms of preparation for long waits and boring beige walls. Of course, the best offense is a good defense, so taking a moment every day to plan for the unexpected might really save you some stress later. In addition to having your child’s health card/ insurance card with you at all times, here are a few things that should be in your diaper bag or back pack: 

· FOOD: Pack something, I cannot express this enough. It could be a long time until you’re seen, even for just a scheduled doctor’s check up. A hungry child can result in any number of melt-downs, plus eating is a good boredom distraction. Hey, a few puffs, even if they aren’t hungry, won’t hurt them. 

· Toys or books: While some waiting rooms are equipped with items for kids, you might wind up in a triage, exam, or other medical area that is not. Having a fun, interactive activity will really help lessen the loud ticking of the clock. Since you never know if you’ll be waiting 20 minutes or 4 hours, multiple small pieces for quick, new distractions are best. 

For Surgeries and Longer Stays 

When you have a planned treatment or procedure that will certainly take hours of your time, taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of junior. There could be extended periods of time in which you are by yourself, or left alone with an equally nervous and irrational spouse! When you are with your child, comfort and a sense of ease is important. You might be freaking out on the inside, and that’s totally fine, but try to be brave on the outside. Somethings that might help include: 

· Comfort items for the family: If your child has a blankie, a soother, or a stuffed alligator – you need it now more than ever. Make sure you put it right by the door or in the car the night before, so that you don’t forget it. For yourself, wear loose, comfy clothing. You’re not there to impress anyone. If you’re sitting in a small waiting chair for multiple hours, or climbing in to a hospital bed with your child, you need to be comfortable! 

· Distraction items: As always, you’re going to need toys, but they need to be mentally involving for longer periods. For toys, something with buttons or multiple functions is best. Books with more than one story, or items to find and count will last longer. A stuffie is good for comfort, but will grow old fast unless you make it sing and dance! This applies to mommy, too. Bring a book, and maybe a charger for your phone if you’re going to play games. 

It’s a hard fact of parenthood that you can’t protect your child from everything, but you can be their rock and support. It hurts to know that my son saw a hospital room so early in life, but the feeling of holding him in recovery, and being there for him as he healed is a bonding experience I will always remember. Sometimes the trials of raising a child are the most rewarding. To feel pain and suffering and come out the other side stronger as a family is an amazing thing. I would have given anything to have taken the pain for him, but I felt it with him, and we recovered together.

Mommy Mental Health: Routine Shifts

As carefree and casual as your life without kids may have been, as soon as you’re a parent, you start to highly value a routine. It might be something as simple as a rough guideline for when things take place, or a strict regiment for maintaining structure and sanity. Whatever your style, occasionally things come up that might disrupt your orderly system, and throw life temporarily in to chaos. Having recently gone back to work from maternity leave, returned from a family trip that involved 3 time zones, and moved house into a temporary space, I know all about that. Here are a few tips I am using to re-balance my plan… until the next move, baby phase, or other disruption that is!

Reassess:

There aren’t a lot of pros to a major routine change, but the one upside is the ability to start fresh. Things are screwed up anyways, so why not re-establish the order in a more efficient way than before? Think about the major points that need to be accomplished in a day. What worked last time, and what didn’t? Could bath time be an hour earlier? Should dinner be a little later? Should the story be read upstairs in a darker space now that it’s summer? A change of environment and scheduling might end up being a good thing!

Plot it out:

If you have multiple moving parts to consider (a spouse, kids, parents, roommates, pets, etc), it’s important that you all be on the same page. You need to create 3 types of blocked time:

Fixed – this is the core and the backbone of what will make your schedule stick. It’s the points that cannot be moved, lest the chaos begin all over again. I would suggest things like wake up, bed time, breakfast, and dinner should fall into this category.

Flex – this is stuff that needs to be accomplished in some semblance of order to cue other events, or simply ensure they get done. Ideas of flex items might include end of day tasks (bath, story, cuddle time, etc), family bonding time (park, floor play, walks), and essential home care.

Fluid – this is the slots that are completely vacant, and perfect for scheduling medical appointments, grocery shopping, house cleaning, or just a nap! Give yourself time in every week that is not dedicated to anything in particular, because things come up!

Do a trial week:

Once you have a sense of how to reorder your time, do it to the letter for a week. You might find that the ducks fall beautifully in a row, or you might realize something you hadn’t accounted for. Maybe your little one can’t wait until 7:30 for dinner and needs an extra snack at the sitters, for example. You might have to push bedtime a little later to avoid having a 4am feeding, or get baby to sleep by 8 so they’re not a bear getting ready for day care in the morning. 

There are lots of fantastic products out there to get kids involved in understanding their day, such as this adorable and interactive schedule chart. If your kids are too young, it might still help to have something of a formal command center for tasks and schedule anomalies. This might be a desk area with a full calendar, a folio for bills, and a fully organized file cabinet. Sigh… a dream of mine. OR it might be as simple as a white board on the fridge. You just need somewhere to write “don’t forget milk” or “dance on Wed @ 6pm.” While this will not be the last time your routine goes out the window, it’s worth it to try to maintain some structure to your week when you can.  Roll with the punches, but don’t let the craziness of life leave you feeling knocked out.

Mommy Mental Health - Moving with a Baby

Whether you're upgrading, down-sizing, or just relocating, moving is not easy. You have to find the place, the boxes, feel surrounded by chaos, and live in that unsettling limbo of "where did I put that?" As hard as it was for me, mentally and physically, as a youth and young adult, I never expected how much harder it would feel as a mom. I'm cranky and tired, leaving me with more mommy guilt and less energy than normal. Each stage of the moving process comes with different stresses, but they are manageable, knowing that the end is in sight. I hope sharing my experience might help you strategize and power through your own move.

Searching

Once you get it in your mind that it's time to look for a new place, you have a lot to consider. You think about prioritizing a list of needs and wants, likely you have to get some banking in order, and you might have to contact a real estate agent or a series of landlords for viewings. All these appointments can be difficult with a young one (or more) in tow, so plan accordingly.

• Stack your nights and get it over with: make multiple viewing appointments back to back, then eat out. By piling the misery, you get it over with faster, which is inevitably easier than spacing it out over the whole week.
• Get a sitter: if mom or the neighbour's daughter can watch junior while you talk fiances, take advantage. A cranky toddler at the lawyer's office was lesson enough for me.

Staging

Once you've found that new place, you're going to have to prepare to leave your current one. It's not as easy as a bachelor pad anymore - you've got piles of stuff to purge, hide, and store to make your place look appealing for the next tenant. This doesn't just apply if you are selling. Often landlords will want to show off your unit during your notice period so that it can be reoccupied as soon as you're out. This means leaving a clean and well cared for appearance, sometimes for multiple weeks at a time. This is a nightmare with toys and Cheerios as an accepted part of your living room landscape.

• Cut the clutter: be brutal and purge clothing, linen, toys, and kitchen items that you no longer need. Have a garage sale, make a donation, or take a trip to the dump. Move over the entire room, taking in to consideration how spacious and inviting the space appears. This might involve a little "faking" like hiding even frequently used appliances (toaster, coffee maker) into cupboards temporarily.
• Do the spring cleaning of all spring cleanings: a massive gut will make the daily chore list for unexpected viewings seem so much more manageable. Focus on your front entrance, kitchen, and bathroom especially. You might consider putting out nice towels or buying a new door mat.

Packing

If you've managed to live with things stored and hiding, packing isn't much harder. It's the unkempt and temporary maze that frustrates me most. Boxes in front of doors, markers, tape and newspaper at the ready. A clean, safe place to play starts to be harder to find. If you have a multi-roomed space, pick one room (or even a floor if you have it) to begin with and use for storage of boxes. Keeping the disorder to a minimum helps a little with finding room to have toys.

• Write big and use stickers: Whether you colour code, or just clearly label, make sure you know what is in a box once it's sealed. Do not go back in to that box for anything. If you are going to need it for a while, pack it last, but once in a box, that's it until the new place. Consider having a "1st day" box with things like cleaning products in an easily accessible tote.
• Exercise outdoors: If you're worried about space or safety, take a short trip to the park, pool, or even the mall to stretch out your legs before calling it a night. A cooped up kid gets restless, make it all the harder for both of you to stick to a sense of routine. At home, spruce up your playpen with a new toys, or a bag of balls, to make it a dynamic place to play out of harms way.
  

Moving


On the big day, don't be a hero. Plan ahead, and get some help. There must be people in your life that can help lug some boxes, or take care of the little one while you do the heavy lifting. Don't feel bad, divide and conquer! It's hard work, but friends and family are usually more than willing if you're able to return the favour one day! Order some pizza and cold drinks. Have a few laughs along the way. The more hands, the faster the job goes, and the less work it feels.

• Have a game plan: tell your designated care giver and/or movers when and where to meet. Give some guidance to make sure they know how best to help you (such as, "if you don't know where to put something, just put it in the dining room" or "boxes marked with H are really heavy.")
• Work hard, but work smart: be honest with yourself about what really needs to be accomplished immediately (emptying and returning the truck, setting up and making beds, etc). Once boxes and furniture is in the right general place, spend time cleaning and prioritizing the most important rooms, like the kitchen and bathroom.

While dreaming of and getting a new place is super exciting, trying to organize a whole house of boxes, then carrying those boxes multiple times is very frustrating. There will be issues, possibly things broken, or fights had. You might forget why you even started this process! In the long run, moves, like airports, are things to be survived. When it's over, you can sit back and remember in the comfort of your new home.

Mommy Mental Health: Preserving versus Hoarding

Kids grow so fast. You hear it time and time again, but it is so true. In just over a year I have accumulated so much clothing, toys, paperwork, etc. that I can hardly believe it. While I feel sentimental towards certain things and I have always been a bit of a pack-rat, practicality dictates that I'm going to have to purge at least some things to make room for more. For my own sake as well as yours, here are some tips for preserving memories without over accumulating. 

Documents

From the hospital release forms to art projects at day care, I have quite a bit of loose paper hanging around my son’s room. Some is important, some is special, and some is utterly useless.

· Any public service announcements from the hospital, expired or inapplicable coupons, and other non-essential paperwork, just pitch it. You won’t need it.

· Important pieces (like birth records, social insurance files, etc) can be scanned for safe keeping, and stored somewhere safe (read: not the nursery).

· If your child produces a lot of crafts, you can scan their handy work as well, making it easier to preserve in case some is lost, damaged, or frankly tossed because you’re going to get 18 years of “art.”

Toys

From black and white sensory objects, to large entertainment centres – the first year of toys is enough to fill a 3 bedroom home (trust me).

· Throw away things that are worn out, torn, or discoloured. Especially items that have been attached to a stroller or car seat.

· If you are not done having children, put away some of the younger baby things to reduce clutter. You might consider a small tote that you can label for safe storage in the garage or basement.

· Larger pieces should have a limit or your children will still interact with things they've outgrown. Out of sight, out of mind. If you have the storage space, you can consider disassembling so they take up less room.

Clothes

This is the hardest part for me. Baby outfits are incredibly cute, and getting rid of a set that looked especially sweet, or holds a good memory is difficult.

· Be proactive and take photos of your child in your favourite outfits so you’re more likely to be able to part with the physical item. Preserve only the very most important items (like the home from the hospital outfit or religious pieces).

· If you’re saving clothes for your next child, remember that you will still receive gifts and want to buy for that baby, too. Limit yourself to a few pieces of each size (a few onesies, a few pajamas, etc). Storing them in a vacuum saver-bag will reduce the space and protect the fabric.

· Hand down and donate anything you’re not attached to as soon as it’s outgrown, as well as seasonal pieces such as snow suits. Even if you have more, there is no guarantee they will be the same size in the same season. 

A few final words… 

Sentimentality is different to everyone and there will be objects that you’re going to have to make a call on, probably in a case by case manner. Things like hand knit objects, items handed down from your own childhood (or your partner's), and gifted tokens (like coin sets or ornaments). There are also those fleeting memories to account for that are easier to lose than keep. Favourite songs, first foods, and midnight cuddles don’t fit in drawers or on shelves. Never feel shy about taking lots of photos or lots of notes in a baby book or journal. These moments are the ones you’ll appreciate more than stuff down the road.